I am simultaneously embarrassed and enthralled by my site meter. I do frequently check it, even when I haven't been posting and shouldn't by any rights expect humans to even stumble upon this blog, let alone deign to read it. I have decided that instead of sitting back, passively watching random traffic get lost and happen upon me like a dusty greasy spoon along old Route 66, I shall take a note from that masterpiece of modern cinema majik Cars and find a creative way to reinvigorate what was once my broad, broad cultural appeal. I am an American instituation, after all, I should act like it. I have resolved therefore to do the following:

1) Include more pictures of meat. Apparently, you like to look at pictures of meat. That is something we have in common, as I too enjoy artistically arranged pork loin photography. It would be my honor to satisfy your image search with some Grade A All-American beef. And also some porn would be good.

2) Stop using so many words. You don't like a lot of talk. Talk, talk, talk. I understand this impulse, and empathize. So much more could be said if I only stuck to pictures of meat, I agree. The Red Eye has plenty of content as it is, why clutter the free self-indulgent self-expression market with more? I don't even know what Amy Pohler named her baby, what good am I? I know, I know. More meat it is.

3) Learn Portuguese. I'm not quite sure why. They serve lots of meat in Brazilian restaurants?

Hopefully these will represent the first steps toward the cultural relevance I was so certain I would achieve as a master of the poetic arts. I have begun to realize that the REAL poetry is MEAT.


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